


Shit, let's be Bowser

by SuperImposed



Series: Kinkfills: Drabbles and General Fills Edition [19]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Eridan is pathetic, Everyone's alive, F/M, Fucking typequirks how do they work, Gen, Humor, Kidnapping, Kinkfill, Sort of shippy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-10
Updated: 2014-03-10
Packaged: 2018-01-15 05:33:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1293217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperImposed/pseuds/SuperImposed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Okay, now-- bear with me here... what if... now just bear with me, what if--<br/>Eridan decided to get revenge on Sollux by stealing his 'ex' or 'girl'.</p><p>Sollux stole Fef from him, so he'll be damned if he doesn't get revenge!</p><p>Aradia is none too pleased.</p><p>I don't care how you do it, just make it happen? Bonus for fluff??"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> http://homesmut.livejournal.com/12138.html?thread=23820138#t23820138

Aradia crossed her legs noisily.  
  
No response.  
  
She sighed melodramatically and switched them again.  
  
Still nothing.  
  
The troll girl propped her chin in her hands, leaning forwards. “Is this going to take long?” she asked, a little louder than strictly necessary. She let a trace of a whine creep into her voice.  
  
He twitched. _Victory._ Her lips spread in a slight grin.  
  
Eridan turned, attempting to glare menacingly and only managing to look like his prescription was off. The seatroll waved his rifle with one hand and pushed up his glasses dramatically with the other. The psychic rolled her eyes. “This’ll take as long as it glubbin takes, Ar- Ara!” he growled, stumbling over the nickname.  
  
She sighed and sat back again. “It’s just that it’s getting kind of light and he still hasn’t-”  
  
“Look, I can’t help wwhat your _boyfriend_ -” Aradia stifled a flinch, her eyes narrowing “- makes a porpoisity-”  
  
“What?”  
  
“ _Priority_ , I said _priority_ -”  
  
“Sure you did.”  
  
The aquatic troll snarled through his teeth and paced a few steps, glaring at her all the while. The effect was rather lost when he almost tripped over his own cape and came to a stumbling halt. “ _Anywways_ ,” he seethed, “it’s not _my_ fault Sol can’t be bothered to savve his old matesprit.” Eridan shook his head, missing Aradia’s glare entirely, and began to mutter about how ‘he wwoulda never let Fef be captured by a hated fuckin enemy, that’s for sure’.  
  
Aradia flicked a pebble off of the rock shelf where she was seated, a few feet above the ground. Sorry, ‘where she was _captured_ ’. Captive? This whole thing was a farce. “Maybe he just didn’t take you seriously,” she remarked, offhandedly. “Trollian’s probably not the best media for a ransom note.” Particularly not one so pathetic.  
  
“He’d better fuckin come! Doesn’t he care about your safety at all?!”  
  
Half-flattered, half-annoyed, Aradia murmured, “Maybe he just knew I could take care of myself.”  
  
The seadweller appears not to hear her, beginning to pace once more. Aradia would find it funny, if he didn’t have one of the most lethal weapons in existence clenched in his shaking grasp.  
  
The girl considers her options. Walking away, or dumping the royal into the nearby sea, or otherwise absconding appealed the most to her, but...she’d been half-asleep when he’d dragged her out of her hive, and blindfolded for most of the trip over. She wasn’t quite sure of her location, and the two of them were on a rock in the middle of the ocean. That would end badly.  
  
Aradia sighed. Well, it - probably - couldn’t hurt. “Eridan,” she wibbled, catching his attention, “ _pleeease_ let me go?”  
  
She gave him the lamb eyes. No one could resist the lamb eyes.  
  
The seadweller toed the gravel underneath, blushing for some odd reason. “Ah- but I- really, Ara, I can’t- look, I’ll let you go when Sol gets here, alright?!” He practically yelped the words before swiveling around. Aradia stared, not liking the suspicion that was forming in her mind.  
  
If she was right....it was probably the fastest, least-bloody way off this rock. But....it would probably result in harassment from the royal. _Forever_. And even if it _was_ nice to have someone interested in her again, that wasn’t a pain she was sure she was ready for.  
  
She shoved it to the back of her mind with a label titled “Plan B”, hopefully to never be enacted. For now, Plan A.

“Eridan, can I troll Sollux? He’d probably find it more believable coming from me.”  
  
He looked at her, weighing some decision before pulling out his husktop. “Fin,” he muttered, then stopped. “Wwait, aren’t you scaled for him? He’s moray or less comin to his death.”  
  
The troll girl shrugged, sliding off the shelf. “I’m...I’m mad that he didn’t come to save me right away,” she bluffed, giving him another dose of lamby goodness before ducking her head to look at the screen.  
  
caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling twinArmageddon [TA]  
  
TA: fuck 0ff er, n0 0ne believe2 y0u  
CA: i fucking believe him!  
CA: will you get down here before he starts hitting on me? i gave him the lamb eyes and i think i used too much power  
TA: w  
TA: what  
TA: aa?  
CA: YES  
CA: come get me. bring feferi, tell her to bring her culling fork >:(  
TA: uh  
TA: 20rry  
TA: bee right there  
  
twinArmageddon [TA] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]  
  
“Whale?”  
  
Aradia jumped, whipping her head around to glare at the male troll who was reading over her shoulder. “Don’t sneak up on me like that!” she snapped, more biting than intended. Eridan glared impotently at her.  
  
“Don’t take that tuna voice with me, lowblood-”  
  
“I’m not done yet,” she growled, cutting him off. “Give me another minute or two.”  
  
He stared imperiously down his nose at her. “Fin, just hurry up.”  
  
Aradia rolled her eyes, turning to face the computer. After a second she twisted around to look at the royal. “I can’t write with you staring over my shoulder,” she informed him with her iciest tone. Eridan huffed and stomped to the far side of the rock.  
  
Aradia watched him go, making sure he wasn’t turning around - or at least, not enough to see the screen - before scrolling down the list for a new name. It probably was dirty pool, but she was in an unfair state of mind at the moment...  
  
After a few moments of typing, she cleared the chatlogs and closed the husktop. “Done,” she called, trying not to sound sullen as she handed the computer over.  
  
“Is he comin?” the seatroll inquired, barely containing his anxiety. Aradia fought the urge to roll her eyes.  
  
“Of course he is,” she replied, feeling tired. The psychic rose from the ground, wincing as she brushed dust and pebbles off her rump. The sooner this was over with, the better.


	2. Chapter 2

Try as she might to keep her composure, Aradia was hard-pressed not to laugh when the psionic blast sent Eridan tumbling head over heels. The royal scrambled upright and posed dramatically. “So, Sol, you- WAUGH!” The hapless Aquarius ducked as a culling fork sailed overhead. “Fef? Wwhat the glub?!”  
  
Feferi strode over to her ex-moirail and smacked him soundly, punctuating her tirade. “W-hat-” “Ow!” “t-he” “-ow stoppit-” “ _glub_ ” “-ack-” “ _were_ ” “-son of a-” “ _you_ ” “-mercy!” “ _ **t-hinking!**_ ” she screamed, finally letting the bigger troll cower away. Sollux looked between her and Aradia, before floating over to his old flame.  
  
“You okay?” he asked, torn between concern, amusement, and rage.  
  
“I’m fine,” the Aries assured him, suddenly starkly aware of the fact that she wore only sopor-stained pajamas.  
  
Feferi must have noticed as well, because she was soon leaving her fellow royal to Sollux’s tender mercies, and coming to Aradia’s side. “H-ere,” she said, smiling awkwardly and offering the lowblood a blanket. Aradia hadn’t felt the cold until that moment, and accepted gladly.  
  
“Sorry about the sopor,” she mumbled, not quite sure how to deal with the heiress.  
  
The princess smiled. “It’s okay, it was-hes rig-ht out. Blood too,” she added, eyeing the two males going at it. Both girls gasped when Sollux was knocked back by a blast.  
  
Eridan laughed exultantly, striding forward to finish him off, or possibly strike a victory pose. He was stopped by the sudden introduction of a wrench to the ground right next to his foot, which sprayed up a ridiculous amount of rocky debris.  
  
Sollux looked up in time to see Equius step out of a rickety raft, which was essentially a couple of trees ripped out of the ground and bound with cable. He looked worriedly between the cowering Aquarius and the furious Pisces, before adopting a kneel before the princess.  
  
“My....apologies,” he rasped, “for interrupting, princess...”  
  
Feferi flustered. “Oh no, it’s okay!” She glared at Eridan, who seemed quite content to cocoon himself in his cape and quiver. “H-ow did you know to come h-ere?”  
  
Equius lifted his head to glance at Aradia, a touch longer than necessary. She huffed and looked away. “Miss, ah, Megido alerted me to the fact that she was the royal’s captive - against your express orders, princess?”  
  
Aradia blushed when Feferi looked at her. “I didn’t know if Sollux was coming, and I figured he would need back-up. Sorry.”  
  
Feferi waved it off. “No worries, it’s fin!” She scowled at her huddled ex-moirail, who was glancing rapidly between the furious Gemini, Pisces, and Sagittarius. Feeling under-represented, Aradia levitated a nearby boulder to get his attention.  
  
“Eridan,” Feferi piped, “I’m only going to say t-his once - if you try anyfin t-his stupid again, I’m not letting you off t-he h-ook! You h-ear me?”  
  
Eridan nodded, miserably.


	3. Chapter 3

Aradia closed the hygieneblock door with a contented sigh, wrapping her masses of wet hair in a towel. She plopped down next to her lusus and pulled out her husktop.  
  
The girl scowled at the window that popped up, closing it immediately. It popped up again.  
  
Growling with distaste, she went to block the troll before catching the words.  
  
CA: and if you could find it in your inferior lowwblood vvascular system to get the fuck ovver this  
CA: i think thatd be great for all concerned and maybe you could tell fef to lay offa me  
AA: tell her yourself >:(  
AA: jerk  
CA: is that really wwhat i get for tryin ta apologize  
AA: you were trying to apologize?  
AA: when?  
CA: fuck  
CA: im sorry, okay ara?  
CA: i just wwanted  
CA: i just wwanted someone to pay me a little bit a attention ya knoww  
AA: that’s a great apology :/  
CA: damn it wwoman  
AA: do you even know what you’re saying sorry for?  
AA: do you actually regret any of it or is feferi forcing you?  
CA: she is totally not forcin me and that is an unbiased and innacurate accusation  
AA: uh-huh  
CA: and  
CA: uh  
CA: sorry  
CA: for actin like a pretentious nookwwhiffer  
CA: and kidnappin you and all a that  
AA:  
CA: so  
CA: um  
CA: this is the part wwhere you forgivve me  
CA: right?  
AA: ill think about it  
CA: oh  
CA: okay  
CA: you do that  
  
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling apocalyspeArisen [AA]  
  
caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]  
  
CA: oh um ara  
CA: wwhen you havve the time  
CA: maybe  
CA: wwanna go see a movvie  
CA: together  
  
apocalypseArisen is an idle troll  
  
CA: yeah kinda figured  
  
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling apocalyspeArisen [AA]  
  
apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]  
  
AA: ill think about it  
  
apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]


End file.
